Monday, August 1, 2011

Faerie banquets: Not as much fun as they sound

Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell has a number of characters that could be called "narcissistic," arguably none more so than the nameless "gentleman with the thistle-down hair." As he is a faerie in the classic tradition-vain, selfish, whimsical, and either amoral or possessing a morality completely alien to normal humans-this is pretty par for the course, for him. Also classically, he's extremely ancient and powerful, so essentially this is not someone you want to get on your bad side.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, being the special favorite of an entity like this isn't something to wish for either. Poor Stephen Black, a manservant, has received this dubious honor. As a result, he is showered with gifts and invitations that he doesn't want but can't refuse...

One evening at the beginning of December Stephen Black was polishing silver in his room at the end of the kitchen-passage. He looked down and discovered that the strings of his polishing-apron were untying themselves. It was not that the bow had come loose (Stephen had never tied a lazy bow in his life), but rather that the strings were snaking about in a bold, decisive way like apron-strings that knew what they were about. Next his polishing-sleeves and polishing-gloves slipped off his arms and hands and folded themselves up neatly upon the table. Then his coat leapt from the chairback where he had hung it. It took firm hold of him and helped him on with itself. Finally the butler's room itself disappeared.

Suddenly he was standing in a small apartment panelled in dark wood. A table took up most of the space. The table was laid with a cloth of scarlet linen with a deep and ornate border of gold and silver. It was crowded with gold and silver dishes and the dishes were heaped with food. Jewelled ewers were filled with wine. Wax candles in gold candlesticks made a blaze of light and incense burnt in two golden censers. Besides the table the only other furniture were two carved wooden chairs draped with cloth of gold and made luxurious with embroidered cushions. In one of these chairs the gentleman with the thistle-down hair was sitting.

"Good evening, Stephen!"

"Good evening, sir."

"You look a little pale tonight, Stephen. I hope you are not unwell."

"I am merely a little out of breath, sir. I find these sudden removals to other countries and continents a little perplexing."

"Oh! But we are still in London, Stephen. This is the Jerusalem Coffee-house in Cowper's-court. Do you not know it?"

"Oh yes indeed, sir. Sir Walter would often sup here with his rich friends when he was a bachelor. It is just that it was never so magnificent before. As for this banquet, there are hardly any dishes here I recognize."

"Oh! That is because I have ordered an exact copy of a meal I ate in this very house four or five hundred years ago! Here is a haunch of roasted wyvern and a pie of honeyed hummingbirds. Here is roasted salamander with a relish of pomegranates; here a delicate fricassee spiced with saffron and powdered rainbows and ornamented with gold stars! Now sit you down and eat! That will be the best cure for your dizziness. What will you take?"

"It is all very wonderful, sir, but I believe I see some plain pork steaks which look very good indeed."

"Ah, Stephen! As ever your noble instincts have led you to pick the choicest dish of all! Though the pork steaks are indeed quite plain, they have been fried in fat that was rendered down from the exorcised ghosts of black Welsh pigs that wander through the hills of Wales at night terrifying the inhabitants of that deplorable country! The ghostliness and ferocity of the pigs lend the steaks a wonderful flavour which is quite unlike any other! And the sauce which accompanies them is made from cherries that were grown in a centaur's orchard!"

Taking up a jewelled and gilded ewer, the gentleman poured Stephen a glass of ruby-red wine. "This wine is one of the vintages of Hell-but do not allow yourself to be dissuaded from tasting it upon that account! I dare say you have heard of Tantalus? The wicked king who baked his little son in a pie and ate him? He has been condemned to stand up to his chin in a pool of water he cannot drink, beneath a vine laden with grapes he cannot eat. This wine is made from those grapes. And, since the vine was planted there for the sole purpose of tormenting Tantalus, you may be sure that the grapes have an excellent flavour and aroma-and so does the wine. The pomegranates too are from Persephone's own orchard."


--Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell

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